Mary-and-Matthew-Crawley-Wedding-downton-abbey-32428318-2087-3000PERSPECTIVE: Squeeze your fat. Do it. Right now. Squeeze it. We have machines that do our work. We don’t have to go outside. Would not our Medieval ancestors think the twenty-first century as paradise? We’re an entire civilization of lazy lords cooped up in our apartment castles, our gilded homes with hours of entertainment on the goggle-box. They would not complain about being fat. They would ridicule you for all your whining about dieting. Squeeze it: that fat is the hope of millenia.

THOUGHTS, PHILOSOPHICAL: Is it possible to write and think life is meaningless? Every word is a turn of the soul towards an inescapable path of destruction or glory. Even writing “life is meaningless” is still showing that you believe life has some kind of meaning even though that meaning is non-meaning; the act of writing in itself undercuts pure Nihilism. I still agree with Camus, though, that if life has a meaning it is ultimately unknowable to me right now. Perhaps, though, I write my way towards it.

FROM THE ANNALS OF UNPOPULAR OPINIONS: In spite of my rampant Anglophilia, I think Downton Abbey is a middling soap opera with a pleasant first season that went downhill quickly. Get rid of the accents, costume and location and all you have left is a huge turd. That’s right: turd. I feel the same way about The Big Bang Theory. That is a turd with a laugh track.

UNSOLICITED ADVICE: Never ever, ever, ever tell anyone—man or woman—that their life will be better when they get a man. This was a common reaction to my recent post, “More Life, More Life”. I found it incredibly offensive. (This is not to say I’m opposed to a relationship. I’m not. I mean, lesbi-honest, y’all need to call. You know who you are.)

SPEAKING OF: A lot of you said I should write pissed off more often. Recently, I tweeted Rachel Held Evans that she should get pissed off. Promptly, she tweeted back that she edits all the gore. Boring, right? But, I do the same thing. I usually wrap my anger—which can be immense—in sarcasm, verbal gymnastics and wit. Anger does not come naturally to Midwesterners, though. I have to work at it.